Title : "Men are hurting, and, according to many researchers, masculinity is what is hurting them..."
link : "Men are hurting, and, according to many researchers, masculinity is what is hurting them..."
"Men are hurting, and, according to many researchers, masculinity is what is hurting them..."
"... and making it hard for them to maintain friendships. Society tells men* to be stoic and to suppress their feelings and expects them to be aggressive.... 1. Don't blame yourself. You are a product of a society that expects very particular things of masculinity, so focus on undoing hurtful and restricting belief systems. 'Friendships are coded as not masculine; certainly emotions are coded as ... not masculine.... So if you're not supposed to be emotional that means you're not going to be able to find the intimacy.'... 2. Accept your own desire for intimacy and normalize it for the people in your life.... 3. Model vulnerability.... 4. Ask more questions.... 5. Get close with the children in your life...."From "Men Can Have Better Friendships. Here's How" (NPR).
What's with the asterisk on "men"?
* For the purpose of this piece, we're using the word "men" to refer to people who identify that way and who can be saddled with the constraints of masculinity.Get ready for a world where "men" needs an asterisk and where the word refers to people who are "saddled with the constraints" of this condition. Almost makes you wonder why anyone would identify as male when it wasn't their assignment at birth. If you go out of your way to get to manhood — though the post-birth identification process — can you still be "saddled with the constraints of masculinity"? Or is it understood that this is exactly what you are identifying with (in which case it's not a constraint but precisely where you want to be)?
I'm just going to guess — even though I think these are interesting questions — that the answer is no. I'm thinking the identification as male is something deep-seated and not purely a choice. So you're not saying, I want exactly that. And in fact, you might even choose things for yourself that then burden you in many ways, foreseen and unforeseen. I think of the analogy of marriage: People fall in love and marry, intuitively or as a matter of rational choice, and still have constraints and burdens when they get what they want.
Back to the main substance of the article: "Men are hurting, and... masculinity is what is hurting them." Could there be an article "Women are hurting, and... femininity is what is hurting them"? Well, yes. I think there could be, and much of feminism says exactly that. You may think that feminism blames men and to say "femininity is hurting women" seems to put the blame within women. But to blame "femininity" is not to blame women. It blames the culture. But is femininity bad? Is masculinity bad? I'm not sure those are interesting questions. I guess stereotypical ideas about masculinity/femininity can limit your fulfillment as a human being.
As for the desire for better friendships, isn't that something that besets all adults? Do men look at women and think the women have great friendships and I wish I had something like that in my life? But I think many women wish for better friendships too, and also that a lot of women have... I mean are saddled with the constraints of bad friendships.
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