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Title : How would you know if you were withdrawing from the visual world?
link : How would you know if you were withdrawing from the visual world?

How would you know if you were withdrawing from the visual world?

Maybe you'd begin to wear a brimmed hat as you sat in front of the window to write. You'd block half of the view of the leaves and branches you used to love filling your peripheral vision.



On your long walks, you'd always have an audiobook plugged into your ears and preoccupy your mind with the scenes inside a written story instead of looking around at the details of the buildings, the flowers, and the faces of passersby. You wouldn't run into things, you'd still use your eyes to find your way and not make dangerous mistakes, but you'd be inside your head, a sort of wandering phantom, disconnected from the landscape.

You wouldn't carry your camera anymore. You'd have your iPhone to take a picture if the occasion arose, but the occasion would rarely arise. Where years ago you'd have come home from one day with 200 photographs, you'd have 5 on a good day, but more often only one or none.

You find yourself listening to television, not watching. After you heard yourself complain a few times about the annoyance of the "flashing light" of TV, you'd stop saying that, and you'd develop the habit of looking down into a solitaire game on your iPad, not because it could possibly be interesting, but because it was a way of not looking at the moving, glittering screen.

You would turn back on a scenic mountain path because it didn't feel safe and you could accept your partner going up ahead of you and then coming back to tell you how it looked.

You would hesitate to drive, maybe quit altogether, and then even as a passenger feel uneasy looking out onto a dramatic panorama. You'd feel afraid at something you used to love to gaze upon. The whole idea of the pleasure of traveling would dim. What is there, really, to see? Why bother?

When a week's worth of your shirts were hanging to dry on the shower rod, you'd notice that everything was black, gray, or dark grayish blue and you'd think, I didn't do that on purpose. You'd consider shopping for something more interesting but find the prospect of browsing in shops utterly boring.

You might stop reading books on paper and read only on a lit up screen and turn up the brightness and bump up the print size. You might take your morning break from reading and writing, thinking you'll be back later, but then never come back. You'd get caught up in conversations and audiobooks and the sound of the television.

If visual limitation descended upon you slowly, would you know it, or would you adapt, wearing a hat, walking to audiobooks, playing solitaire by the TV, figure you'd grown tired of taking photographs, decide that travel and shopping were lackluster bourgeois pursuits, and so forth?

If so, and then if one day you found out you have cataracts and they can easily do surgery that restores your vision, you would look back on so many things you'd done to compensate for the loss of vision. What was disparate would suddenly cohere: You were withdrawing from the visual world and mentally adjusting. You were losing vision in your eyes and losing vision in your mind. You were going blind and blinding yourself to all the things you were doing to adjust to this encroaching blindness. You were building the inner world for yourself that a blind person needs, but you won't go blind. The surgery is simple. It's even so good that it will let you go without glasses for the first time since you were a child. And knowing that the restoration of vision will take place, suddenly you see coherent meaning in all those adjustments you made, resignedly drifting into the life of a blind person.

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